New Year resolutions(humor)

A New Year Prayer for the Elderly

God, grant me the senility to forget the people I never liked anyway,
The good fortune to run into the ones that I do,
And the eyesight to tell the difference.

Dieting - New Year Resolutions

2007: I will get my weight down below 180 pounds.
2008: I will follow my new diet religiously until I get below 200 pounds.
2009: I will develop a realistic attitude about my weight.
2010: I will work out 3 days a week.
2011: I will try to drive past a gym at least once a week

New Year's Day Prayer for One and All

Dear Lord

So far this year I've done well.

I haven't gossiped, I haven't lost my temper, I haven't been greedy, grumpy, nasty, selfish, or overindulgent. I'm very thankful for that. But in a few minutes, Lord, I'm going to get out of bed, and from then on I'm probably going to need a lot more help.Amen.

New Year's Day Quotes

• New Year's Day: Now is the accepted time to make your regular annual good resolutions. Next week you can begin paving hell with them as usual.
  Mark Twain
• One resolution I have made, and try always to keep, is this: To rise above the little things.
  John Burroughs
• Good resolutions are simply checks that men draw on a bank where they have no account.
  Oscar Wilde

Diet To Start The New Year.

This is a specially formulated diet designed to help WOMEN cope with the stress that builds during the day. I have found that this really works!!

BREAKFAST
* 1 Grapefruit
* 1 slice whole-wheat toast
* 1 cup skim milk

LUNCH
* 1 small portion lean, steamed chicken with a cup of spinach
* 1 cup herbal tea
* 1 Penguin Biscuit

AFTERNOON TEA
* The rest of the Penguins from the packet
* 1 tub of Gino Ginelli ice cream with chocolate topping

DINNER
* 4 bottles of wine (red or white)
* 2 loaves garlic bread
* 1 family size Supreme pizza
* 3 snickers bars

LATE NIGHT SNACK
* 1 whole cheesecake (eaten directly from the freezer)

FINALLY REMEMBER:

• "Stressed" spelled backwards is desserts".
• Send this to four women and you will lose 2 kilograms.
• Send this to all the women you know (or ever knew) and you will lose 10 kilograms.
• IF you delete this message you will gain 10 kilograms.